Mute. That's how I have been. Not sure how many days. I can say single words or a few. Not good with questions. Partner has been a saint.
Feel much less anxious when I am silent. I am reading.
Finished Mr Golightly's Holiday which I have to review. Mmmm. Not sure if I didn't like it because of my illness or because it attempts to fix the unfixable. Golightly is God. The book ends with a bump and a lot of Christian apologetic. Probably my illness. Normally sympathetic to happy endings. Always preferred outcome.
Arrow of God (Achebe) read yesterday. Much about purity and taboo; progress and tradition; the place of religion; colonialism. Enjoyed it as a morality story and it is beautifully written. Simplicity.
Today - Heat (Monbiot). Global warming. I sense a comrade in Borderline Personality Disorder! So far he is too zealous for my literary taste. Reminded of C.S. Lewis who said "Beware a woman with a mission".
No painting today. Need to be in one place for now.
I know where I am going with this next canvas - but don't want to start just yet. I need space. Inside head. I want to know why I am so empty. So I am going to the emptiness and staying there. See if anything turns up or alters. If I distract all the time I will live with a great fear of the emptiness. Now is the time to face it and see what it can do.
Time to face the dargons even if I cannot slay them.
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