First day of the year and we still have a fierce frost which has clung to the landscape for several days sometimes with hours of very atmosperic fog giving us a sense that we are completely cocooned, unable to see the nearest houses just a third of a mile away or the Black Isle four miles across the water. Strangely comforting - like a macro duvet day!
The men folk have been beavering away in the library moving a LOT of books over to The Sanctuary. The Library will become my son and my music room. I haven't taken music seriously for years - but after a recent inspirational letter from an old school frined I felt a sudden sense of loss. I gave up performing as a singer and folk musician pretty much as I was ordained. I was given some advice - can't remember who it was - although I have a suspicion - that as I was to be ordained - now was the moment to move into ministry as my vocation; my life; my duty and at times with a sacrificial heart in the service of others. Silly advice and left me as half a person during the early years of ministry, trying to please and live up to unhealthy expectations of myself. I used to be a bit of a religious sentimentalist. Not even a vocation loves you back - it can lead to a certain rigidity and judgementalness which is lost by being ourselves in service; not killing ourselves with some delusion that only we can do this thing.
I have spent many an academic year nurturing those preparing for ministry in the very serious agenda of self care and the theological roots of pastoral care and reflection - in a sense redressing my own hideous mistakes! Looking back I wish I had attended some of my own classes as an Ordinand!!!!
So - an early passion is being revisited. I have sore pads on my left fingers from picking up a guitar yesterday - but I won't have missed for the world the jamming session with my son on keyboard. He has an excellent ear. Today he has ransacked the vestry in the chapel and brought over the drum kit we bought him when he was about 7 to try and help him have something safe to relieve his frustration on! He has returned from school this holiday able to play quite well, and I have been listening to him drumming alone with us both singing at the tops of our voices Born to Be Wild!!!
Saw the New Year in with Maestro Jools Holland. I am in love with Annie Lennox - an inspiration. We had watched Mama Mia! and I guess I am the only person on the planet who thought it was seriously rubbish - not even inspiring arrangements - it was a parody of what was already a parody. Meryl Streep does her best with poor dialogue (I hope the dosh was worth it) and Julie Walters (I adore - and had just finished her biography earlier in the day - which is an OK read - do borrow mine) seemed to be simply making up the numbers. It must be a national hysterical response to the credit crunch or some such.
Back to packing boxes...
Its brilliant you are playing and singing again.....my earliest memories of you were sitting on d staircase in your room with you singing and playing....you sing and play beautifully Jane and it is something I treasure.
Posted by: carolynn | 01/02/2009 at 10:20 PM