Born to be Free

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to me!

Forty-seven today.  The first day of the rest of my life - and I am doing the very best to treat it so.  Claiming my freedom!

I've had a smashing birthday - taken out to lunch by my partner and then attending an art therapy session.  It was hard work in the session as I touched some parts of my story which still feel raw.  I was surprised.  I'm working on an abstract in these sessions in pastels.  You can spot my mood at any one point by how vigorous I have used the colours!!!  Good work though.  Opened some past experiences up for a bit of an airing.

I am struggling with the media reporting on the castrophes in Burma and China.  Having recently finished Hegemony or Survival by Noam Chomsky, I feel my eyes have been opened about how stark globalisation and capitalist interpretations of it really are.  There is no such thing as open-hearted and handed offers of aid and emergency support by western super-powers to regimes that operate a very different social order.  The power differential is wrong for a start - but in addition - there is a justified suspicion about the underlying motivation in such apparent acts of charity.  Having read Hegemony I have a certain sympathy for Burma's Junta in particular wanting to sort it's own internal needs without western 'interference'.  History shows there will always be a moment when a pay-back is required.

The pictures and articles showing so many lives lost have left us all feeling helpless.  Throwing a donation or two at a relief charity or Christian AId - helps assuage some of the guilt and horror - but feels to me, atleast, as a fairly easy gesture; I am left feeling too comfy and untouched somehow by the power and tragic nature of all that has happened.  Some of the reasons why these disasters have been so horrific are due to endemic issues.  Schools built in a possible high risk area with insufficient safety and structural endurance.  Inadequate infrastructure; poor disaster planning; corruption and misappropriation of funds at all levels.  Some of the pain and suffering is caused by aspects of living which are well within human control.

One of my old friends recently died.  She requested donations to her local church youth club - but had she lived and heard news of Burma and China I am sure she wouldn't have minded me remembering her through a donation to these causes instead.  She would probably have accused me of being my usual woolly liberal self.  I will miss her hugely. She would argue on a purely intellectual level the hind leg off a donkey.  We rarely agreed but loved each other all the more for that.

I've missed my mum, Bea, today too.  First birthday without her.  It's funny it's her bossiness I've missed most!  She was always a busy bunny around birthdays whereas my partner and I are hopeless.  We aren't good at the 'say it with cards' stuff and have a very laid back attitude to buying for the sake of having something to give.  I spotted my presents a while ago.  Better to have things I would really love.  Courtesy of on-line shopping I ordered what I wanted.  Not romantic - but great to have the chance to choose.  I am beyond being polite to my partner - and he would much rather I had what I like rather than wore something he had chosen and I felt obligated to wear - like the year he bought a pendant suitable for a size 8 midget - not good - you needed a magnifying glass to find it on my ample breasts.  (Too much information I know - but you see my point).  Still he enjoyed finding it.

I've received some super cards which have made me feel loved and special.  Last night as I prepared for bed I was singing *I'm gonna be born tomorrow, born tomorrow, born tomorrow!"  Sure enough I have been.  I am well enough now to have a choice and I have chosen life; a vocational life which still gives me goose bumps and tingles when I think about it.

I have received some smashing gifts too.  I am intending to raid the art shop in Nairn over the next few days - mostly for canvases.  To me, chosen by me from my partner and me - to me - a Skye Batik smock (coming in the post) with a repair to one of my old ones.  (One of the dogs got to the smock when I had foolishly left dog treats in the front pouch - huge hole as a result).  Skye Batiks have been stars and have darned the hole (a little technical for me - who thinks sewing involves Bostik) and I couldn't resist a new one!  Also a pair of very fetching patchwork trousers.  (I think I am claiming my individuality BIG TIME just now!!!)

SO what are this particular new borns' plans?  To keep evolving a sense of well-being.  Wait for the next invitation or opportunity - they always have come in the past - and I haven't had to go looking before - so I will see what turns up.  Alongside this - a top priority is to increase my social network locally.  Plenty for a pre-toddler to cope with.

I saw a neighbour this afternoon walking another neighbour's dog.  She seemed genuinely pleased to see me out and about and she simply said "Keep it up".  No odes of sympathy or arias of empathy - not even deeply expressed concern - just "Keep it up".  I think that pretty much sums up the present moment and my heartfelt future intent.

Watching and LIstening

I imagine it is me who climbs

to the very peak

and sits alone,

weeping on the hill.

Looking out I can see

The tragedy of life thrust into eternity.

Shattered lives

That leave me help-less

Interred in desperate, guilt-driven platitude;

Yearning to make things better

Yet stultified by the vastness of the task.

Into the void, does not come human comfort.

Into the devastation, dis-ease and un-rest disarm.

In amongst death baleful silence;

The stench of hopefulness dying,

A vision takes shape of a just and safe world.

Where human beings are not valued

By geographic location.

Where any disaster; anywhere - is like a

wound to all our souls.

Where compassion and mercy are the crack squad

Sent to relieve human misery

And clean water and rice are the communion of love

Made known.

Comments

[carolynn]

I am hopeless at remembering birthdays!!
Happy Birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear Jane
happy birthday to you.
Just about says it
Much love C

[Gwen]

Go well, go strong and enjoy your new found freedom. Much love G