Out today. Bought our son's wedding outfit(s) for his half-sister - our foster daughter's wedding. We bought two contrasting outfits for him to choose from - one is a 'take' on Dr. Who and the other is a more formal suit. He can mix and match whchever way and we will take back anything he doesn't wear. Shocking to realise he is now a small man rather than a growing young person. A message he has been giving us for a while but has become a reality in terms of sizing. I think he will be chuffed with the choices.
Wedding present purchased and I spent a token - so I did quite a lot really. Felt special spending the token. Generally felt very distanced from the activity of being out and shopping. I felt as though I was watching a movie rather than actively participating. Yet, at the same time, a part of me was fully engaged in organising something I hoped our son would enjoy. I can do things for others still. Just in a disassociated way.
Had a very powerful card from an old friend in Suffolk. I was very moved. It caught me deep in my psyche.
Have purchased Tommy, my father's ventriloquist dummy and an important part of my childhood. He will be collected in July when I am South. I suddenly thought that I might have a problem taking the doll back to the place I will be staying as security is high at the location. I sent the strangest e-mail I have sent in ages to the co-ordinator asking what I should do about bringing a large doll, that might look a bit like a body, into the building in a suitcase on my day off! Fortunately she took my enquiry entirely in her stride. The hope is the police will do no more (probably) than check and move me on. (I could imagine the headline: Major Security Alert - Priest has small boy in suitcase! Priestess in strange sacrifice of wooden boy - ho hum!)
Not present - but a little more active and engaged.
Jane W-G writes:
An empty mind dazzled by retail therapy is distracted for a moment. An empty mind cosseted and loved remains available even when it feels remote and distant from the places others stay.
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