A Blessed New Year to You All!

Sincere apologies for such a long period of silence.  I needed some space and so did my partner - but - to quote a song from my vintage "The boys are back in town".  We are preparing for re-entry into a fuller life.

A great deal has happened since Bea's death on 30th November but much of it has been for the good and has had an empowering and healing effect on me.

I have felt consistently much better for a good few days now - and although I still have little energy - the worst symptoms have subsided and I was discharged from the day psychiatric centre a month ago.  Irony of ironies on the day of Bea's death.

I now have a diagnosis.  More at a later date about that - but for now I feel more than half the battle is over.  I feel so much better now I understand a little more about why I feel as I do in many situations.  Again, potentially healing and empowering.

My partner and I have made just one new year's resolution - which is to give ourselves this coming year with an emphasis on evolving the transformations already begun in each of us in different ways.  The Sanctuary will re-open as usual for Holy Week - (Yes C and A) and I will gradually meet up and string together the parts of my life that appeared to fall apart.  It will take a little time so be patient with me, but I have learnt through this illness that I have some very precious, compassionate and committed friends. I have also learnt how much I need them.

I am off the most addictive of the drugs I was taking so can think once again and feel much more.  I can at last enjoy some things and look forward, with pleasure, to what is to come.  There will still be bad days and times when triggers will cause a relapse, but I now understand what I am working with - and as I am collaborative to the marrow - my way forward is to use my vulnerabilities as they are and be in them.  It is there my sense of incarnation resides and finds her being.

I will probably need to be formally off work until Easter or maybe longer as I make the transition from hermit - hardly leaving our bedroom to an active person engaged in actvities fully and in a professionally accountable manner once more - but that's also something to look forward to.

It has been a painful shock and huge wake up call feeling so ill for so long.  Forgive me, but I will now take some time to sniff the air and enjoy the geese and other water fowl parade and practice formation flying from my easel and chair by the sitting room window.

JEWG

Comments

[carolynn]

My dear Jane
Hallelujah......
the best Christmas present and New Year present ever.
Go gently, go slowly and believe it will happen even when you seem to go backwards.
You have been very much in my thoughts this Christmas and New Year.
We can all hold the hope and work with you towards new life with the new year.
With much love C

[Ruth Heeley]

What joy to know that you are on your way back to fullness of life. A blessed new year to you all and may your shared journey through 2008 be of mostly forward steps. Much love and continued prayers, Ruth.

[Gwen]

Wonderful, I am so pleased to hear the possitiveness in your blogg. It is indeed prayers answered, and the realiseation that something good will come out of what has been a very dark time is brilliant. be gentle with yourselves.Bless you both
Much love Gwen

[Jane W-G]

Thank you to you all for your support and prayers over these months. We have all felt circled by so much compassion, love and support. Local friends who have come to our aid at a moments notice not only with love and comfort but with practical help. Shifting furniture for Betty's funeral, supporting Simon and feeding us both - not to mention the folk at the wake. All those who have just willed me on when I had no will. Those further a field who have e-mailed, posted, sent hilarious or comforting or just darn right wacky things through the post. Words aren't enough...

Thank you.