I am a very proud mum just now. Our youngest is maturing and growing in ways we could only have dreamed about a year or so ago. While many of my contempories are full of negativity about their adolescents and longing for them to reach adulthood, our own youngster seems to have chosen this time to 'come home' emotionally. Yes, he has all the usual stuff of adolescence - but - he is emotionally present and we are enjoying being a family. Can't say more - but it is a love story.
I've had some real problems with medication I have to say. One minute I am high as I kite and the next I resemble an enormous caterpillar cocooned in my duvet on the sofa, not overly hopeful of any kind of future metamorphosis. I had a seriously bad day on Friday - I just couldn't raise any enthusiasm for anything. I was badly down. My super hero CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) arrived and gave me what can be politely described as a sympathetic, but well aimed kick up the back side. It was what I needed - but tough to hear. Yesterday was medication free and I was dancing on clouds. More money spent on line (sure sign of minor relapse); full of ideas; acting on some and trying to keep the lid on the rest - exhausting - but my head flew on.
I spent the day copying my parents old 78 records into MP3 files. It was a real trip down memory lane. I found it hugely difficult to stop because I couldn't relax mentally. In the end I settled to sorting out Christmas cards - unbelievable for me - who is usually a last minute person. Once I was fed up with that I tried TV - but could I settle - nope!
In the end I took some medication and when I still felt as high as anything - took some more - that did it - but I slept until 1pm today. I can't believe there isn't an inbetween state? On medication I have a very fuzzy head and feel like Dylan in "Magic Roundabout". My partner describes this wonderfully as being carefully packed with cotton wool to protect something very precious. I wish! Without the antipsychotic I am working on all cylinders but can't remember where the relax switch is. I much prefer the me off medication - but feel genuinely knackered having the hypo me around for more than a few days at a time. I am sure my CPN will come up with something. For my part, I am now wondering if I need some medication, some of the time - and promise myself not to make any decisions on those days - or may be it should be the other days!!!
I am determined to crack this.
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