Decisions.

Thinking done; decisions made.  The discernment process has been hard.  The silence and then listening to my heart isn't as self-indulgent as it sounds.  The amswers aren't always what I want to hear.  Recent musings are a case in point.  I was hanging on for a different response!  Sadly, it hasn't come.

The appointment of a Rector at Leith captured my imagination.  The church is lively with a mature interest in social justice, ecology and spirituality.  I was entranced and very drawn to apply.  On the back of a 'tingle factor' that the post could potentially be a good 'fit' were the pragmatci concerns - not so much my mental health - I need to be challenged now not papmered - but our son's needs.

Our son is at a good special school and he is as happy as he is ever likely to be with many of his needs being extremely well met.  However unlikely it might be, if I was to be successful and get the Leith job - our son's current funding would cease and he would have to be reassessed for his future needs.  He is about to start GCSEs and a catering course.  We could find ourselves (indeed it is the most likely scenario) with me starting a new appointment and our son wondering why he has suddenly returned home until his future schooling is sorted out.  Last time, it took two years and a fight to Tribunal level to finally get the provision he needed.  That process and the uncertainty is not conducive with me giving of my best to a new relationship with a church I would feel at that moment called to serve.  It isn't fair on anyone.

I am hugely disappointed.  Supporting our son when we have each wanted to do other things with our time and lives has involved some personally costly decisions - but in the end we have learnt so much from the process that it has in the long term been life-enhancing.  It remains tough in the moment though.  It doesn't require a political brain the size of a planet to see that the English system rgarding educational provision and special needs has something going for it.  If a young person had been assessed and then moves area he continues with this provision at least until his annual review.  The local authorities operate an understanding based on reciprocity.  Young people who 'beach' in a new authority are accepted with all their liabilities 'as seen'.

TISEC's decision to fire me still concerns.  I am determined to fight the element of discrimination and poor management of the situation in this.  No one deserves this happening to them.

One of my former students rightly encourged me to look forward to what is around the corner.  That sounds fun - liberating.  The discussions will happen in the Autumn.  It is a shame it has come to this.  I still can't quite believe it.

Humph is now huge.  We will take some photos to send to his breeder.  He is learning sit, stay and fetch just now.  He is doing well!