A big thank you to everyone who has been e-mailing me with reflections, comments and questions regarding creating community. Some extremely important issues have been raised. The three questions that have appeared in a variety of guises are:
What would this community be for?
What would the community do?
How would we manage conflict, particularly when a relationship within the community and with an individual broke down in a way which felt beyond help?
I would very much value feedback in all three areas. I have been reflecting a little in recent days on each of these. My initial reaction when I heard the first two questions raised was to think they had been covered in earlier blogs and the discussion documents. That is partially true - but there is always more to be said. When I began to blog about the possibility of setting up a community, many of the thoughts expressed by all of us interested in the concept were tentative and very provisional. Mine even more than most in some ways. Perhaps, now, when we don't have the pressure of considering a particular path offered by a property or location, it is a good time to step back and ask again some absolutely fundamental questions about the nature of what we hope to do.
What would community be for?
We started with thoughts of Christian witness and even subverting by example and role modelling some of the secularising elements of contemporary western society. From within the whole idea of community I guess I was operating from the basic model we created when we first set up The Sanctuary. As we prayed and created the space we now have, we settled on the following guiding principles:
To be a seeker searching for spiritual authenticity with practical implications in every day life.
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To be open to transformation in myself and others.
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To be compassionate and ethical in my care of all that is created.
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To seek justice and act with integrity.
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To be creative and celebrate my own uniqueness.
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To be in community with others to whom I am accountable.
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To forgive myself, other people and my God.
Alongside attempting to live these principles, my belief is that a community who pray together and share things in common - possessions (a chapel and maybe workshop or studio in our case) emotional and intellectual concerns, fellowship, prayer and worship, can grow into a formidable spiritual focus for good in the world. Unpacked further I have decribed this theologically as being blessed, broken and distributed for Christ. In practice, I believe community life centred on prayer, work and fellowship within an extended 'household' can be a centre for 'metanoia' (transformation) of the individual; the community; and the world.
If we take the potential of prayer seriously then at the very least it has the capacity to dramatically alter our own understanding and perspective. At the very best, it is the very fibre that holds the cosmos in it's place - it is the language of love, relationship, the mystical and the unknowable. If a community centre themselves on a life which is focused around a life authentically lived it is saying something powerful about what matters to human beings and to the world. Community would be for others - that others might claim life and live it in abundance. Community is for us to learn how to be more fully ourselves and to celebrate others being the same.
From outside community, looking in I can see we could be a source of inspiration and encouragement; a place of nurture, hospitality and hope. I am sure some will challenge and misunderstand our motivation - that's the nature of human beings and relationship. I think we could be refreshingly different because we are trying to do something which is not often seen in community. We are attempting to breakdown the conventional dynamics of co-dependency that often inadvertently evolve in these contexts.
One way we are doing this is through the independence of each community member to own their plot and live on it how they choose. There is perhaps a little less flexibility for those on lower incomes or who choose to stay for shorter periods in community - but I think we are seeking from the outset the encourage people to own who they are by acknowledging their stories so far - the gains and the pain. The founders of this community will have to be special people. Open-handed and generous minded about themselves and other people - they will be the cornerstones for all that follows.
We may well be construed as dreamers and idealists. I suspect this will mostly be by people who have never lived for an extended period in community. Anyone who knows what it is like realises it is the most honing of experiences. You are called to be present for others and to repeatedly recall that you have neither a monopoly on insight nor process. We are all changed by interrelating and engaging with others.
There is an intensity which accompanies community living which is challenging because it is relentless. Even with the very gentle Rule of Life I am proposing of regular worship, the sharing of a meal together each week or so, and some time to housekeep together - we will be amazed at how often individuals will 'rub each other up the wrong way' or misunderstandings will occur. These are healthy signs that people and the process we are engaged in matter - but they have an intensity and demand a level of commitment and non-avoidance which is not even readily modelled in family life. In most families those adept at avoidance can exist quite happily in their comfort zones as other family members compensate for their emotional, intellectual or physical absence. Not so easy in community where we are held in accountable relationship with one another.
So Utopia it is not.
Loving, fun, unusual, challenging, hopeful and creative it is.
What would community do?
I guess the answer is whatever individuals can afford to do and which is legal! This is a difficult question to address until we know who will be in the founding membership. Some, like myself, may work from home. Others I hope will be 'active' or 'not so active' retired. A few will work in employment which takes them elsewhere to work. For other people I don't imagine for one minute we will all be busy, busy, busy. But some will need to be because they still have young families - or bills and mortgages to pay. Whatever vocational path an individual or household is called to follow, it is important the person feels supported in prayer, fellowship and practical ways for the task they feel called to undertake.
Alongside the recognition of the personal callings, there needs to also be the space to respond to those who use The Sanctuary or who come to stay for longer periods. How involved an individual is in this will depend on their values, skills and experience.
Managing conflict?
Never easy - and we do need to begin to think this through.
At the moment I think that a person expressing unhappiness at their lot as a community member, would go through some sort of discernment process to leave. There are a number of things to consider. Has the person experienced this level of feeling in other contexts? Is there more that could be reasonably done to help the person feel more settled? Can the person identify the cause of the difficulty(ies)? Is the situation resolvable? If the answers suggest there is little or no room for the person to evolve a sense that community living is bringing them life - then it is surely time for the person to move on. I feel we should offer as much help as the person feels able to receive from us to make a positive, fresh start. As I see life as a process - I do not personally see times of transitions and change as failure or success - they are part of the process of becoming more fully ourselves. I would certainly encourage partings to be marked properly - so there is a sense of genuine closure as far as possible.
Grievances should be handled by a procedure which is agreed and honoured by all members of community. This would need to be evolved as part of our founding, shared agreement. There are many models for this, but the process of active listening; reflecting what has been heard and seeking constructive resolution is a common pattern with review built in at various stages.
Disputes are more difficult - and perhaps we return to the guiding principles for how these can be handled. I am not a great fan of community meetings where 'charges' or 'accusations' are presented. My preferred way of working would be for those individuals who are in disagreement to attempt resolution between themselves with as few others involved in the process as possible. Taking sides can be destructive,. When this is not possible then others inside the community would need to be involved. Often disputes are rooted in fear, projection and/or misunderstanding. Negativity can be debilitating and feel very threatening and disturbing. It is therefore hugely important that we evolve effective and appropriate ways of sharing negative feelings and thoughts as well as emphasisimg encoragement and blessing in our thoughts, dealings and conversations about and with each other.
Well, I guess this is a start...
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