Are the voices in my head too loud for you?

Getting There

Today is my son's birthday. He's at school having his presents and treats. No idea what he finally settled on - but it will be fun and cool etc...  We sent a large box of goodies including a fart machine, a t-shirt with "Robot disguised as a human" on it and the usual computer game.  I found a brilliant poster too.  He is mad about soft drinks and this is a poster of nothing but cans of drink.  I probably should have got him a poster of John Barrowman in retrospect.

 

Now feel well rested and restored after a smashing residential creative writing experience. All of us (apart from the tutors) are living with mental health issues - so it was a powerful mix of vulnerability, insightfulness and courageous writing. Over supper a few of us decided we couuld replace the Psychic Channel on the TV with Psychotics Channel and we went to town seeing who could cap whom with their experiences of psychosis. There are only so many dinner parties you can go to where that is a topic which animates the whole table.

 

Yesterday I would equate with a day which feels as important as my wedding day. It was the day I finally heard my vocation as a writer validated and I accepted it as my future. I had spent the course lapping up the creative writing exercises, and the affirmation, particularly from the tutors, both of whom are established authors. During the tutorials I was encouraged to see myself as a professional author - and to not hide behind my self doubt and anonymity.  They were excited by the small sample of work I had submitted and I came away feeling my mind had been blown.

 

Even in my wildest daydreams I had only anticipated an 'above average' response to my submissions - and the comment that the first pages of the novel were going OK.  I was ready for the catch all that "Obviously it would need lots more work..."  Instead I came away under their careful tutilage understanding that I have a talent which is formed and that I must jolly well get on with my writing.  Hang self doubt.  I am fired up - just like the first flushes of love.  I decided to leave the course last night in order to come home and get going.  Going I have got.

 

 

Bubble Wrap

Paintings are now completely finished and I am feeling peculiarly virtuous! Once the final varnishing has hardened off I will bubble-wrap for Monday and their transition to Leamington and the Guide Dog Centre. New Newfie - Jacob has settled beautifully into the dead centre of the existing pack which is very pleasing. I now need to book him in for an obedience course, Cleo is growing rapidly and is now settled into a routine of afternoon and evening growing naps. She will be off to puppy party tonight - let's hope the other dogs are a bit livelier - she could hardly keep awake last time!

 

Now moving into a period of writing - some in preparation for a writing residential at the end of the week - and some beyond. First though I need to clear my desk of the rather more mundane paperwork. I have to say it's an absolute joy working in The Sanctuary - no wonder visitors loved it. The place - particularly the view is healing and inspirational. We are busy exploring ways to avoid signing up for another contract with LPG for our heating. It has become ridiculously expensive and it isn't the most ecologically sound way of heating in the long term. 

 

We have always planned to go towards Solar panelling at some point - but our first greener move will, I think, be to get some multifuel stoves.  When we are here without visitors we tend to live in the kitchen and The Sanctuary - so this makes sense.  We also have a lot of wood available to us particularly the bits and bobs that wash up on the shore.

 

So back to Bank Satements...  ugh.

Sunday in the Mediterranean - Nearly

Looking out from my desk through the french windows I could mistake the outlook for the Mediterranean. The sea and sky are a rich blue. The heat would be unremitting if it wasn't for a pleasant westerly breeze just enough to stop it feeling sticky and uncomfortable. I've been having one of those admin' days which I don't know about you but I always put off far too long. The irony is that I really quite enjoy admin when I get going - it's like ironing there's a comforting sense of acheivement when it's all done. Today is no exception - and I am enjoying the companionship of Cleo the puppy at my feet. Cleo has had a hectic few days since the arrival of Jacob in our lives. She has had two Newfoundland boys to play with. I felt today she needed a quieter day and a chance to re-group and have some growing-in-my-sleep time. As I write a bundle of fluffy balck fur is snoring at my feet. She is a wonder. I don't know how anyone ever again gets anything done when they have a baby - I am completely smitten and this is just a puppy!!!

Watched Britain's Got Talent last night - the final.  I haven't been watching the series in any detail but I had heard of "SuBo".  She's a bit of a national hero in Scotland.  I was delighted that the dance group won - they were completely breath-taking and just right for the Royal Variety Show.  Susan Boyle came second.  There's something in her demeanour and her lack of awareness regarding the whole 'scene' she has got herself into which feels very uncomfortable to me.  She looks like a rabbit in the headlights on stage when she isn't actually singing - her reactions are either very childlike or she seems to have no sense of where or what she should be doing.  I honestly thought that when she heard her name read out the first time she genuinely thought she had won.  If I didn't know better I would say she was on something.  I wondered if she had been given something to calm her frazzled nerves.  If she has been following the TV and tabloid gossip - she has every right to be frazzled.  She has gone from nowhere to a household name in ten weeks - there is something unreal in that.  Maybe she is caught in that sense of disbelief.  The sad thing is that the British people are very fickle.  They are voracious in their desire to get their next fix - Jade?  Katie?  I wonder if she is being supported to understand that she may have a very limited celebrity life span?  I hope so - she seems vulnerable, fragile even to me.

Catching up with correspondence is also rather liberating.  I am beginning to get a sense of next week's diary which helps me plan a better week.  Yes, things are getting busier, but in a good way.  I am doing things I have longed to do for years.

Jacob (Jake)

Jacob has joined the pack of dogs today. A Landseer Newfoundland dog that needed rehoming. He's only eighteen months old - so just five months older than Humphrey. He has been picked up from his old home by us; taken to the vet and spent the remainder of the afternoon and evening getting to know the other members of the tribe. He will take a while to settle as he isn't house trained and is a bit bouncy but he has kindly eyes and the SSPCA Officer said he was a smashing dog - and she is a very good judge - so that's good enough for us. So far Jake has taken to Jo in particular - another rescue dog that we have. Jo is 'mentoring' him for want of a better word - he is keeping him in line and already teaching the boundaries and limitations of his new home. Jacob has been to see the vet and is booked in for 'the snip' which will reduce his testosterone and make him much more acceptable to a largely neutered pack. We wouldn't want to breed from him so it is also a very necessary operation with an intact female growing up in the house - and I don't mean me!!!  Great news that he has found the water bowl; thinks the kitchen is fun; has eaten a hearty meal and follows Jo and Humph around trying to persuade them to play.  Cleo's reaction has been the funniest - she sniffed him; let him sniff her and then went back to sleep.  I love her laid back take on life.

 

While Jacob is in having his operation I've asked the vet to microchip him and get rid of his matted hair.  I have a suspicion he may have a weak rear hip so she will probably x ray that and see.  Might as well get it all done in one go - anaesthetics are not to be given too often and he's still a baby really.  So Cleo will now have a companion as she gets on with her house training and socialisation.  I think it should work fairly well.

 

Otherwise today I have been getting my head around the next stage of the script for the charity show.  It's coming together. 

 

Tomorrow I must finish off "The Highland Harbour" multimedia painting with some more varnish and think about bubble wrapping it for transit down to Leamington.  My partner id driving the pieces down next week.  It's not a bad life!  I also have to eat a very large slice of humble pie.  My partner has been angling for a Bongo or Caravelle for years for easy transit of animals.  Now we have six large dogs time to send him car - or rather small lorry hunting!!!!

King and Simone - with a Touch of Campbell - Never Trust a Campbell!

Wonderful day today. Very positive feedback on the script for the charity event and a real sense that the piece is now moving forward and developing a life of its own. I very much enjoyed my session with the person who is mentoring the script. Her comments were useful and she has a fantastic gift for one liners!!! We had lunch at "Starbucks" and met, by chance, the local chap who does Guide Dogs. He is thinking about my next dog which is good. I met a poodle in training! She was a fine beastie - a standard poodle with a beautiful curly coat - but she was very slight -not much good for me - a human juganaut in Dr. Martens!!!!

 

Talked about casting today and it sounds as though there are the folks about who are ready, willing and able - atleast in principle. This is very gratifying. I think our biggest concern is making sure that we have the folk turning up regularly for rehearsals once they start.

 

At the moment we are thinking of running the production on St. Andrew's Day which feels great to me.  The alternative would be to look at February 2010.  I think we both felt the writing would probably need quite a lot of re-writing if we leave it that long.  Things that are relatively topical do have such a short shelf life.  I was pleased my mentor was positive about the draft.  I have been longing to work on some project or another with her for as long as I've known her. It's great to have found something we are both really enjoying doing.

 

Cleopatra is growing beautifully and is now over two tiles long using the kitchen tiles as a unit of measurement.  (The floor tiles are large!)  We are off to Puppy Party tonight at the vet surgery - her first visit.  When we took Humphrey last year he was quite tentative the first week and sat between my feet for quite a lot of the first session.  I have a feeling Cleo will be rather more dominant - just a hunch!!!

 

Bought Alastair Campbell's novel today and treated myself to a Carol King retrospective CD.  I went to a concert of hers in the Fairfield Hall in Croydon when I was about fourteen and thought she was simply amazing vocally.  I also bought "The Nina Simone Collection" - again an artist I have grown to very much appreciate.  I bought it predominantly for "The House of the Rising Sun", "Backlash Blues" and "When I was in my Prime".  I will enjoy listening to these while I varnish the paintings for the Guide Dog Art Exhibition.

Cleopatra

Days have been entirely dominated by the arrival of Connie who became Henrietta and has now settled as Cleo. It was funny how our little pup seemed to choose her own name, but she did. It suits her - she is ebullient, fun and has four dogs wrapped round her paw (which is huge).

 

I have finished the art pieces for The Guide Dog Exhibition but have heard today that due to funding issues the permanent exhibition won't now take place. People are being made redundant - not having a couple of pictures on display seems a tiny price to pay by comparision. I am disappointed though. Still the pieces will be exhibitted, but now for just one day. At the moment I am hoping that I can go down and at least take some fliers and business cards with me for the exhibition day itself, in case there's a chance of a further commission. All I need to do now with the pieces is put a protective varnish over the multimedia surface. For one of the pieces this will involve several coats.  Still the bulk of the work is done now.

 

Continuing with the script for the charity show in February.  It is coming along - but I do struggle a bit with the tightness of the structure.  I am over-writing scenes as editing is always easier than adding to a MS.

 

As I write Humphrey our brown Newf is out walking the shore with my partner and Cleopatra is lying at my feet chewing a large orange toy.  She seems a most contented pup.  She is growing at a terrific rate too.  She now has the run of the house and is comfy finding her way round; negotiating the other dogs and cats.  Now onto the task of house training!!!! Yum, yum.

Henrietta

I did the classic thing in terms of feeling well and at the top of my game after several months of being ill - and that is to cut on my medication. To put your mind at rest, I am back on everything - but I had two and a half days off. After I'd had my bout of food poisoning I didn't go straight back onto the pills. Just the thought made me want to head for the loo. I felt great for the first twenty-four hours - but I couldn't sleep. The second twenty-four hours - not sleeping became much more of an issue and I could feel myself really tensing up.  Into day three and I felt like a coiled spring and very tired but my head was buzzing, full of ideas and yet running on empty.  I decided to go on line and check out the implications in terms of my dopamine and serotonin levels and I wasn't rest assured by what I was reading.  Coming off so suddenly was clearly not a sensible move.  The cost was the sudden drop in chemicals in my brain and the  consequential hyper-activity.  What it has shown me is that it is safe to try and work towards being drug free - but I need to come off gently and hang the masochism!

So today has been a non-event - catching up on my sleep, fielding e-mails and reading the weekend papers.  The dogs and one of the cats have been thrilled, they have had someone to sleep on, against or near!  I have been so dozey I managed to shut one of the cats, Teazle, in the cloakroom.  I realised my error when I heard the thud.  We keep the dog food sacks in there and I heard a dull thud and meeow as Teazle landed in the Renal Diet bag!  He was not amused.  He is a very proud cat.

Humph (Newf') and my partner (the order is significant!) are on a trip South to pick up Henrietta the new Newfie bitch - our brood bitch - for Gulliver's Newfoundlands.  I can't wait to see her - she will arrive back on the evening of my Birthday.  Humph is travelling so he can see his breeders.  He's now a year old.  Apparently when my partner stopped in a lay by on the way down a car pulled in and the driver got out just to ask what Humph is!  It is true he is very striking.  Let's hope over time they both pass all their health checks and can breed.

Better Out Than In

Projectile vomitting is not a good set at 12pmish last night and on a curry. Very bad news. Now a lot better and have disinfected everything that moves and doesn't. Worried that when we collect the new pup she might be suceptible to food poisoning bug - in reality I think she is likely to OD on disinfectant - Pine is not a good aroma with curry - trust me.

PJ Day - The Lull Before The Storm!

Lazy day today.  M came over this moring.  I'd forgotten we were meeting - so there I am sitting with my woolly hat on in my PJ's, surfing.  She is a very forgiving soul and we talked dogs and LIFE - as you do.  Really relaxing and fun.  Have been checking out about dog breeding (new hobby).

 

I'm still in my PJs.  I got waylaid with phone calls and then an afternoon nap and then yet more calls.  One of those days when everyone is supposed to phone back - and almost everyone needs chasing.  The only good news is that my diary looks significantly more orgnised.  I've a much better idea about what happens, when.

 

My partner in desperation has attacked the hall and sitting room floor with a carpet shampooer.  Our youngest dog has suddenly started peeing in the hall again!  I went to sleep and woke up to find that the carpet shampoo fairy had been!  I thought I was in a different house!!!  The trouble is that our Newfoundland dog, Humphrey, is moulting.  His hair comes out in handfuls and the house looks like a bomb has hit it in a second.  It's like painting the Forth Bridge trying to get the hair up and keep the floor looking like a carpet and not like an amorphic blob with Alapecia.  I must admit I would move over to laminate floor for ease of cleaning.  My partner is a carpet man hence the shampoo fairy(!)  Housefairies are well worth cultivating.

 

Suddenly life is quite busy.

 

 

Not Taking My Eye Off The Ball

Morning session with my therapist which was incredibly valuable.   She has worked very hard in a relatively short time to affirm and help me restore a stronger sense of identity.  We haven't many more sesions together and I feel ready for our time of closure.  Time to move on in a few weeks time.

 

News of members of parliament's expenses is a story which I'm sure will run and run as we move into open silly season over the summer.  I suspect the challenge will be on to see what the most ridiculous claim will be.  The tragedy is that while we are all being focused on this by the media, I can't help but wonder what the stories are that are not making it to the headlines.  Aware too of the dangers in reducing our MPs to objects of ridicule and derision rather than public representatives who should be held fully accountable for all their actions.  While they are being pilloried, let's hope it isn't just a carefully orchestrated "Yes Prime Minister" style cover up for some, much more serious flaw in our economy.