Three Days

It's Jp again.

Why the title?  Today has been the third consecutive day which Jane has stayed either in or sitting on the bed.  We expected Friday to be like this; as mentioned before, it was hoped to go out on Saturday and for Jane to have varnished her paintings today, ready for framing tomorrow.

Both of us are feeling somewhat discouraged - we have had a difficult and rather painful discussion this evening and had to admit that, whilst we had both understood that progress is not a rising straight line graph, we had not anticipated what has seemed to be a steady decline over the last week or so.  Jane said that she felt she had had a breakthrough when she recognised that she was a self saboteur, about 10 days ago, but she didn't know what to make of this and how to turn it around.

Things don't seem to be pulling together - the different therapeutic inputs do not appear to be integrative, the one in particular seeming to have the opposite effect, since there is not the time to piece together what has gone on in the session, with the result that Jane has felt shredded and emotionally worn out by the process.  This may be because the work being undertaken is with Jane, who almost certainly would initially have presented as being very articulate, hugely intuitive, an academic who teaches psychology, and someone who obviously knew what she was talking about and understood the process of therapy.  All true, but not at present relevant.  She is feeling shredded (and with a cross-cut as opposed to a strip shredder).  She is raw.

My own thoughts are that because of the depression her processing is only taking place at a twentieth of her normal speed, also that little account has been taken of our present home circumstances, where I am needing to look after two people.

Jane is also very anxious about what will happen at the end of her allotted time.  So am I.  Our understanding is that each patient is allotted a period of funding for appropriate therapy, during which it is anticipated that they will have recovered sufficiently to continue their everyday lives.  Jane's understanding is that her 'period' will expire before Christmas, but there is huge doubt and anxiety in her mind that she will not have recovered sufficiently by the time the funding expires.  We need reassurance on this.

I cannot remember if Jane has mentioned her inner 'mean voice', now named as Clydesdale because of her immense strength - which Jane is working to tame: apparently the current refrain from Clydesdale is "You're just attention seeking".

When I asked her this evening what her immediate dream would be she replied: "To go somewhere where there is impeccable service and she would be well looked after, no unknown noises and no unexpected people."  She wants to shut herself down.

Tomorrow she has a review.  She feels frightened about what may be said but finds it difficult to be certain where the fear is centred.

There will be something posted tomorrow or Tuesday . . .

Comments

[Gwen]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you all, Have courage. God bless you and watch over you all. G

[Ruth]

We are praying for you all every day. We love you. Ruth & Bob

[VurdyBypeHeillitly]

qvtsdjyifugclyjmwell, hi admin adn people nice forum indeed. how's life? hope it's introduce branch ;)