Having Too Much of a Good Thing

I accidentally took my antidepressant last night as well as yesterday morning.  I realised about five minutes after I had swallowed what I had done and quickly read the small print on those sheets that appear in the packaging with prescription drugs.  No prob.  My mind wasn't on the job - I had been busy all day building plasticine models of cobb houses ( yes, you may well ask) and trying myself out in new situations and with skills I have been too frightened to entertain in the last couple of months - a trip to the deli in town.  lunch out, surfing for research, answering e-mails; thinking through my 'homework' from the psychiatric centre. 

Had a dilemma, of course, about whether to take the next dose this morning or not and decided to.   I reckon pharmaceutical companies must work on a pretty high margin of error on drugs for psychiatric patients; we never know what day it is - and as with last night I can't be the first to have forgotten when I was supposed to take the pill in the first place.  I've had a great day today.  So far, this morning I felt a million dollars, I could have done anything - I imagine something like a manic euphoric might feel; colours heightened; suddenly aware the house was untidy and dust visible - I cannot get the staff - and everything in the world perky.  A turbo driven severely depressed priest whose at a go, go, go energy level.  I warned my partner it might be either a very giggly day or taxing for him.  He sensibly put the washing on, fed the cat and retreated to our study while I began painting like a woman possessed!  I painted with absolutely no anxiety. 

As the day has gone on I am seriously slowing down mentally; my speech feels very measured and almost slurred like I'm on something and it's wearing off; I feel a bit like I'm swimming underwater - which I am  - but it was fun while it lasted.  I can't stop yawning and just want to sleep so I will in a minute.

I've had some truly uplifting e-mails today - a series from my foster daughter who I could not be more proud of.  Go girl.  You are a stunning individual with such talent - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU WILL DO WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR HEART TO.  The other e-mail from dear friends who one day I am hoping will be significant in helping me to continue to vision community.  The plasticine cobb houses were part of my own pre-planning and dreaming.

One of my friends sent me a wonderful prayer.  I share it below and hope that's OK.  I won't attribute it because this is a public blog - and it may not be entirely appropriate:

Mighty God,

Holy and strong One,

Give us strength

To do what you would have us do.

Deliver us from lack of purpose,

Free us from confusion of mind,

Save us from loss of integrity,

Maintain us in vision and ideals,

Sustain our openness and generosity.

Help us to continue to work for you all our days,

Mighty God,

Holy and strong One.

Comments

[Gwen]

Hi Jane,
Brilliant to read of your progress, the highs and lows. Keep going forward, you're doing great. We are rooting for you!

[Jane W-G]

Thanks Gwen for your encouragement I hope the same can be said at your end. Feel a bit weak and feeble today - not sure why. But off to snooze off the after effects of a session at the day centre.

The flowers were gorgeous especially the bamboo.

Much love - Jane

[Gwen]

Have a wonderful snoze. you are doing good, It is great to listen to your body and do your own thing and don't let anyone tell you different!!.
Things are good this end. Thank you.
would love to see your painting if and when.

[Jane W-G]

Great snooze and a pleasant evening watching the new Jennifer Saunders show - Vivienne Vyle on BBC 2 which, as a sad, unimaginative, sloth-like creature just now - fully appreciate her parody on Tricia, Jeremy Kyle and probably a hundred other talk sows I have never glimpsed.

J.

[Gwen]

Brilliant. Go Girl Go.
Much love. Gwen